Actually, she wants both!
Halsey’s work never really captured me. Something about her vocal technique wasn’t my cup of tea. That said, some of her more large-sounding pop releases like “Without You” and “Alone” have made it into playlist rotation. When I heard that she had decided to work with Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross to produce her recent album, If I Can’t Have Love, I Want Power, my interest peaked. I love the work of both Reznor and Ross. I wondered how Halsey’s sound and performance style would develop under the duo’s guidance. The album is focused on the themes of motherhood and the struggles with pregnancy, change of lifestyle, and raising a child.
The opens with the trademark piano dissonance that Reznor is known for in “The Tradition.” Halsey’s vocal presence is much more authoritative than I was expecting. The rising hum in the chorus adds to the ominous tone of the track. Halsey’s words, “Take what you want, take what you can/ Take what you please, don’t give a damn/ Ask for forgiveness, never permission,” allude to the way many in power, especially men, only use and take her for what they can get. Her slightly defeated yet commanding vocals give this song its bite against Reznor and Ross’s haunting production.
We begin to dive into the themes of pregnancy that hold firm on the record with “Bells in Santa Fe.” It’s reverberating synths and quiet piano likes to set the backdrop in the faintest glow. Hasley sings from the point of view of an unborn child who will end up being miscarriage. Because of this subject matter, it reminds me of the reverse perspective of Tori Amos’s “Spark” (along with the title of the song, which bares similarities to “Blood Roses” line “The Belle of New Orleans”). The lines, “Well, maybe I could hold you in the dark/ You won’t even notice me depart/ Secondhand thread in a secondhand bed/ With a second man’s head,” paints a rather bleak and heartbreaking scene of having to remove a miscarried child from this once hopeful mother. The song is a bit more pop-forward, and I liked Halsey’s lyricism.
“Easier than Lying” takes a much angrier turn as she rips at the fears of messing up her unborn child. Reznor and Ross’s production highlights this chaotic feeling of rage. Halsey spoke to this feeling of rage in an interview in 2021:
“When I got back to ‘Easier than Lying’ for the first time, I noticed this rage. I was talking about two things: one is your parents, and the others were lovers and the people in life who made you into someone and then decided they don’t like the person they made you into as if you had any control over that.”
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This suffocating feeling of failing your offspring comes in with a vengeance in the first verse, “I’m only whatever you make me/ And you make me more and more a villain every day/ But you don’t know, you reap, you sow/ Whatever you give to me, from yourself, you take.”
The first song I ever heard of this record was the more pop-oriented “Lilith.” Reznor and Ross’s production makes the song much more palatable compared to the demo version she released on the album’s deluxe edition. We seem to allude to the Sumerian take on Lilith being this toxic being. Halsey’s chorus calls to this, “You know I get too caught up in a moment/ I can’t call it to love if I show it/ I just fuck things up if you noticed/ Have you noticed? Tell me, have you noticed?” Its bass-heavy mirky nature plays well into this feeling of toxicity that Halsey pours out through her lyrics.
“Girl is a Gun” has a bizarre industrial drum beat and electronic sound that I don’t think matches the energy that is put out. There is a little sugar in the backing instrumentation to play to her cadence, but the song would work much better if she took a bit more of an assertive stance. There is a duality to this metaphor of pulling the trigger. There is a strong allusion to the female organism in the song’s chorus, “This girl is a gun before you know it, it’s done/ And you’ll be wishin’ that you crossed your fingers/ Oh, but God, is it fun when you can have more than one/ So let me show you how to touch my trigger.”
The alt-rock edge returns with, “You asked for this.” I love the production that Trent and Atticus brought to the track. The mix of driving drum programming and roaring bright guitar elevate the song. Halsey’s vocals work much better against this sound. Its moody tone brings to mind Garbage’s work, albeit with a bleak little edge only Reznor can provide. Halsey spoke to this apprehension of motherhood changing her prior freedom on Twitter:
“‘You asked for this’ is a conversation between me, who is becoming a mom saying ‘grow up’ and the part that so desperately wants to remain a child. Wondering if we can co-exist, despite the massive change.”
She questions if she can handle this massive change while telling herself to suck it up, “You better kiss goodnight and give some head/ And then next, the morning comes instead/ Well, is this the life that lies ahead now?/ Go on and be a big girl/ You asked for this now.” This driving force highlights the fear of motherhood and what it will bring.
We go into a more acoustic direction on “Darling.” This folksy switch gives you whiplash sonically because the last few tracks were so much more aggressive. She sings to her child about how she now has a new purpose in life since she has come into the world, “Darlin’, don’t you cry/ Head fast toward the light/ Foolish men have tried/ But only you have shown me how to love bein’ alive.” The verses underline the hardships she has endured, yet all this darkness has parted since she has become a mother. I do wish the song was a piano ballad instead of the folk sound we get from the guitar. Lindsay Buckingham’s guitar work is beautiful, but it just feels so out of place compared to the rest of the material on the record.
You can hear Reznor’s trademark dilapidated beauty in the synth and piano melody’s on “1121”. The sleek yet visceral alternative rock sounds are some of the record’s high points. Halsey’s ability to rise in vocal power to match the sonic peak of the production gives the song its edge. She calls back to issues with pregnancy due to her endometriosis and her fears that this one won’t work again, “But I won’t die for love/ But ever since I met you/ You could have my heart/ And I would break it for you/ Please don’t leave (I’m runnin’ out of time to tell you).” The production accentuates her desperation to keep this life inside her alive.
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“Honey” takes on an almost punk-like vibe through the aggressive use of drums throughout the song. Again, this rock-forward song delivers a nice punch of aggression that she can play to through her vocal patterns and grit. The silent fury highlights this whirlwind romance that left Halsey upside down with longing after she has blown through. Her words, “She was sweet like honey/ But all I can taste is the blood in my mouth/ And the bitterness in goodbyе/ Drippin’ like honey,” show how even though this relationship was never meant to be, she still misses her.
Reznor and Ross choose to keep “Whispers” rather nude sonically. They only add more gritty synth in the song’s latter half. I can hear Trent’s knack of tension on the piano. There is even a subtle nod to Nine Inch Nails “I Do Not Want This” in the line, “Sabotage the things I love the most (‘You do not want this’).” The central theme of the song surrounds her struggles with mental illness. This fight comes up the most starkly in the lines, “I’ve got a monster inside me that eats personality types/ She’s constantly changin’ her mind on the daily/ Think that she hates me, I’m feelin’ it lately/ Might have to trick her and treat her to/ Seventy capsules or fly to a castle/ So at least we could say that we died bein’ traveled.” Paired with the wilted instrumentation, Halsey’s painful internal monologue comes off powerfully.
“I am not a woman, I am god” is another track that feels slightly at odds with itself. I hear the industrial vibe that Trent is known for with Nine Inch Nails. When you pair that with Halsey’s more alternative pop vocal performance, it comes off abrasive incorrectly. This is most stark in the chorus as her melody feels cut from another song. The song continues the themes of feeling like a ticking time bomb, “I am not a woman, I’m a god/ I am not a martyr, I’m a problem/ I am not a legend, I’m a fraud.” While the song has grown on me slightly with additional listens, its disjointed nature doesn’t work for me in its current state.
We go a thick, hard route on “The Lighthouse.” Reznor’s guitar work gives the song the proper dirty rock vibe, giving Halsey’s words the tear they need. The song may connect to a poem of the same name Halsey wrote about her allegedly abusive relationship with rapper G-Easy. You can hear her rage in the lines, “And I’m glad I met the Devil ’cause he showed me I was weak/ And a little piece of him is in a little piece of me.” The metaphor of this blood-hungry siren against the guitar work casts this image of a turbulent cyclone descending on you. It works nicely with Halsey’s lyrics.
The final track on the album, “Ya’aburnee,” ends on a bittersweet note. The production is stripped back, with only the soft hum of bass, synth, guitar, and piano providing just enough structure to shape the song. To me, this song works better as a song to her newborn than “Darling.” Her love and protective nature for this new life comes off beautifully in the song’s chorus, “Always see my youth in you/ And if we don’t live forever/ Maybe one day, we’ll trade places/ Darling, you will bury me/ Before I bury you.” It’s a touching way to end this album around motherhood, mental illness, and pregnancy.
I was shocked by how much I enjoyed this album. Trent and Atticus did a fantastic job casting the proper amount of angst and darkness throughout the record. Halsey’s struggles with pregnancy and becoming a mother brought me back to the intensity Tori Amos poured forth on the similarly aggressive and electronic From the Choirgirl Hotel. While several tracks felt a bit disjointed and out of place on the album, the more significant majority was a very emotionally evocative and robust experience. It’s my favorite in Halsey’s catalog and one of the best pop-to-rock conversions as of recently.
